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View Full Version : I had a one night stand with a fat girl


Oswald
26-08-2020, 14:38
I’m fucking shittng
I put my dick in her unprotected, didn’t ejaculate
I had 12 pints ffs

I’ve 80% got an STI and I will suicide if he’s pregnant

Oswald
28-08-2020, 09:11
help me

Malcolm Tucker
28-08-2020, 10:08
you need to ascertain just how preg she is, you didn't ejaculate which is good but precum still contains sperm which is bad. You need to find out the concentration of your sperm-to-precum ratio, luckily the human tongue has evolved over billions of years for this task

start wanking but don't cum, when precum is flowing you need to get it on your finger and eat it, quite a bit, put on your wine tasting hat and identify the notes and flavours - the saltier it is, the higher the concentration of spermatoza. You could also ask your mum or another other cum eating veteran in advance to help you better understand the flavours you're getting - freshers week is just around the corner so you can ask the girls who look like theyve been swallowing cum all week on their experiences and observations too, take notes, last thing you need is to start testing it and just forget everything, what a plonker you'd feel then

complete the wank and then eat some of the proper full fat cum, about the same quantity of the precum so you keep the test as scientifically accurate as possible

how much saltier was it? if it was off the scale more saltier then only your full blown cum is likely to pregnate her, but if it's only moderately more salty it means you have quite a bit of spermatozeas in your precum already and you must prepare for pregnantcy

start thinking about a dna test as well, yes you already know you are baby daddy but you need to know the full ancestry of the child so you know how much slave reparations it will need to pay when it turns 16, the sooner you know the sooner you can start saving on their behalf so they're not completely embarrassed on their birthday when their friends ask them how much privilege they have apologised for financially

don't do gender reveal either, it is a waste of time, they know their identity, not you, these things happen themselves when theyre good and ready and theres no rush, I know one person who is 38 and still not decided if they are employed or not yet, rushing them only pressures baby into poor decisions

Chuckles
28-08-2020, 12:20
She got your number/address?

ChemicalKicks
28-08-2020, 20:54
If you had 12 pints are you sure you even got it in her, you could have been fucking her belly or her leg FFS

Oswald
28-08-2020, 23:00
If you had 12 pints are you sure you even got it in her, you could have been fucking her belly or her leg FFS
i wish

ChemicalKicks
28-08-2020, 23:02
Post nutt clarity is a BITCH, huh?!?

Nah but seriously, whatever actually happened I'm sure it's fine. How well do you know the person, because for all you know she's on the pill.. Plus nuclear option, if something does crop up you can fuck off back to the UK :D

Oswald
28-08-2020, 23:03
She got your number/address?she can find it

this fucking loon has seen me in the cask ale pub 3 times and always makes sexual comments to me, shes another stalker lunatic, she literally walked in and started talking about sex to me. i dont know how the fuck i ended up in her place

im sure i didnt ejaculate tho because i woke up in a panic attack while she was on top of me and i told her to stop

then i fell asleep, woke up at 6:30 am and walked home, almost threw up on the way

ChemicalKicks
28-08-2020, 23:04
OMG by definition.... you were raped.

And I'm being serious, she took advantage of you if you woke up mid way through.

Oswald
28-08-2020, 23:04
ive stalked her on fb and shes posting revenge photos as well
i think this is actually it, im having panic attacks every few hours

Oswald
28-08-2020, 23:05
Post nutt clarity is a BITCH, huh?!?

Nah but seriously, whatever actually happened I'm sure it's fine. How well do you know the person, because for all you know she's on the pill.. Plus nuclear option, if something does crop up you can fuck off back to the UK :Di didnt nutt u tard, more like post 12 pints clarity

ChemicalKicks
28-08-2020, 23:06
Pictures of you? :/

Oswald
28-08-2020, 23:06
Pictures of you? :/

no shes posting motivational quotes about revenge and rising like a lion etc

ChemicalKicks
28-08-2020, 23:10
no shes posting motivational quotes about revenge and rising like a lion etc

lol

You're over thinking mate. Look, what happened with her isn't not normal, a lot of men have found themselves in similar situations.

If you're having an anxiety attack fairly often you need to go to the doctor's or even A&E if you feel really bad. You need to tell them how you're feeling and try and get some help. Have you told your family or any close friends about your anxiety?

Northerner
29-08-2020, 07:31
These threads are classics

yourmum
22-09-2020, 15:50
post her facebook profile, we can have some fun with this, sure I have got a troll FB account laying around somewhere

Malcolm Tucker
22-09-2020, 16:37
she doesn't exist